the best

my brother

it pains me

divides us

the way i see you do not see 

the world

i turn up the Smiths

to stop my heart

my heart 

from hurting

take my will take

my life 

all i

all i know is 

my brother

you’re the

fucking

best

if i could only love you

for the way you look at life

look over your shoulder

follow your arm

open my eyes 

and declare yes!

yes! i see what

you see i love what

you love!

would i lie to you?

my brother

no. but i 

can 

i can love you

love i can

love

i dream

i dream my words may help
you through rough
times

i dream

day 12

pandemic 2020 day 12

March 29
Global cases = 679,000
USA = 125,000
Sacramento = 164E (3.27)

I realized yesterday not all of California’s counties are updating numbers daily. Sacramento and Los Angeles are only providing accurate infection numbers every 3 days. The covid19 transmits through saliva so those little paper masks people wear apparently are useless, as they attract and absorb saliva droplets. I also realize that in grocery stores (where the aisles are not very wide and the goods are essential) people are almost accidentally disobeying the CDC recommendations. Example would be acquaintances running into one another within one aisle and trying to cognitively assess the exact distance between them while simultaneously being fully present and compassionate with a fellow human being they may not have seen in a while. We have a natural inclination (which we must now fight) to abide by our life long training in social standards! So it takes a real conscious effort to distance ourselves at ALL times from others by 6 feet or more. The best way to make this happen is spontaneous communication. Listen, we care about one another so let’s be sure: are we six feet away right now? Find your own chosen words and start using them. The two navy hospital ships have now situated themselves on the respective coasts. Mercy on the Pacific (Los Angeles) and Comfort on the Atlantic (NYC). Governor Cuomo is fighting Trump to keep his state from being quarantined, and has described this in language which hearkens back to the Civil War! This would be a declaration of war against the state of New York. As of this morning, Trump has backed off the quarantine. They say such an order would only cause pandemonium as residents of New York would likely start to flee the state. Once again, Democracy as a political system is a funny thing. Any leader has to take into account peoples mobility and, like the stock market, has to take the pulse of public sentiment, which is often a far cry from fact. You have to legislate with people’s feelings in mind, because you only have so much influence over them. Personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

dear friends, if you wish to follow all of my pandemic diary posts, please visit my website https://www.katyamills.com  if you think i should keep posting them on K IS SILENT please leave me a comment and let me know! stay safe  ❤  Katya

(minute) outlier

imagine

everything which ever
came to be once was
nothing but a thought

a feeling
set off from the
mainstream

even

our little universe

this minute outlier speck

someday may be the very dead
heat center of it

all

 

 

cannot help it

i write these words
i cannot help it
i gotta tune my voice

to silence
thrown off a little
by the world every
day

katya 2020

the focus + shifts

How the narrative has changed in the States. just one month ago all the rich were becoming increasingly paranoid about the aging senator from vermont. what a surprise. they hadn’t expected anything threatening to ever come out of a part of the country known for covered bridges and maple syrup, ben and jerry’s ice cream, the latest practices for organic farming, jam and jam bands… democratic socialism? he was halfway toward securing the nomination. what if he made it to the big stage and found a way to beat the king? to the dsa (democratic socialists of america) their concerns were elemental and elitist and typically egocentric; being separated from one’s money. the whole point was not to make the rich miserable, but rather to forge a path towards social justice, fair labor practices, healthcare for all, and other socioeconomic equalities. it was a divisive yet electric moment in the political arena. now covid19 has arrived and the world has turned completely upside down.

spot.light

i was calling out to you

i think

i think

i hope

i pierced through

the dusk was blue

the dawn

too

a candle trembled

the fog horn

blast

all was muddled outside

a circumference and

that’s how i

how i

knew

i kept calling

calling

calling for

you

vitamin k: Journal # 02.24.15

https://www.katyamills.com/2015/02/journal-022415.html?m=1

more space guesswork

Andromeda did not mind about the light years gone missing. Saturn or some body in space was happy to harbor them but they sure took their time arriving. Watch out you might get fractal off the rings, or maybe that’s what was supposed to happen. I always cut up my years into months and smaller increments. I bake them in a pan and they come out all seasonal. That way kids know when they go bad, not to eat them. Andromeda takes them back when we send them, and turns them into meteor showers, the galaxy to exfoliate. Deep space is the safest place around, minimal pollution, air and sound. I wanna go there when my world fails me. I cannot stand the anxiety. Earth looks good from the outside, but just try burning through the atmosphere; you will soon discover it wasn’t worth it. Sorry to let you down and all.

to the lighthouse cat by kat

living.loved

you brought me a fortune from a cookie. it was dawn and I scratched your back. you stood on my chest where I could admire you. you swished your tail. the sky outside began with orange. a hot summer day ahead. we live in the valley by the air field. i can hear the engines fire and props slice up the sky. we are living, we are loved. magnetic fields cannot resist us

Posted by Katya M