my tired eyes tracked the screen for some intrigue on
the only holiday that had the guts to tell you what to do
i was thankful
for the day off and some time to myself
a film tapped into the part of me
wanted more outta life
you’re excellent when you’ve
something to prove
i asked my phone
remind me in 2 hours
to call somebody i love
friday pushed through the pain
saturday flopped aroundÂ
a video game
the front over the pacific
hit the coastline hard
wake up your life!
hissed the surf
of salt whip cream
sleepy sundays broke up
the years
again
we put ourselves out there
for whatever it was worth
i had to learn how to live all over again, after the trauma. i didn’t completely lose my ability to write or speak or communicate, but it did something to my nervous system, and i could not think clearly. my thought process was fragmented and tangential. my moods stood me up and walked me into altercations. my thoughts put on a show, racing recklessly into the night. i lived this way for several years. 7 years later i am doing well. i am calm and charged and can talk to anyone and look you in the eye. i am not easily triggered into fight or flight or freeze. i give thanks. i dedicate my life to communicating some hope to those who feel hopeless in the world.
the rains came today
at long last
thank god thank
god the rains
finally the world looks like
how i often feel
inside
the color red
the heat in my fists
transforms when
i wait it out
what is left?
little heartache
it’s not so bad
come we can live
together
the 5th force has been discovered she
is afraid
of light
as she decays she
shines
the 5th force has been found
in Hungary. they are coaxing her and fixing her up
under a microscope
now
she recedes into darkness
instinctively
soon she will be widespread and universally
loved. they dream. the latest force! in her prime! just
imagine!
she tends to avoid the spotlight. your
music is not my music how
can it be ours?
like a light in the dark she matters may
she
never go out.
hold her close now! how
she appears!
2 feel u belong what
a blessing…
to anyone who is inside
the pain
listen 2 me
there is a place
u belong
keep
keep
keep
searchin
i swear
solemnly
there is a place
4 u
i found a friend who was out there ever since i met him when i moved to Sacramento almost 7 years ago. He has entered a program at the VA and has found recovery. i am thrilled to know he’s makin his way out. every time i visited his profile i worried he would be deceased. appears to have hit that spiritual rock bottom place i know so well, where your life is so low there’s no further place to descend to. gosh i can relate. one day the pain is so excruciating there is an opening. an honesty. and a willingness to do whatever it takes to recreate ourselves and heal. hopefully to walk again with a purpose and become useful and able to love ourselves and our communities. i told him, i can only wish this for you as i have experienced it myself. and you remind me of myself. remembering the past. thinking of you. wishing you well.
When faced with our personal demons, from trauma to social anxiety to depression, insecurity, prejudice and fear, can we escape the diverse traps of escapism in a technology driven world? can we recognize when we are hiding in niche markets and pockets that insulate us from harm, the circles and titles and roles and degrees that fit our personas so comfortably well? how do we move from our comfortably numb microcosms and social media spaces into something more vulnerable and maybe terrifying? let us arm ourselves with mindfulness. let us push toward self-awareness and awareness of those around us. let us appreciate differences of opinions and perceptions, which are forged from differences of experiences. let us be curious rather than defensive. following the paths of those before us, whom we hope to emulate, whose stories provide outcome studies we can see and touch! that to be vulnerable…to step out of our comfort zones…to let ourselves go into process and come out from behind our narratives, into space where we can feel and change and grow… may we drop our guards, our personas, our designated roles for a sec…let us stand a chance at a greater authenticity. a greater connection with something bigger than ourselves, and a stronger relationship not only with our community but our society, our humanity. The outcome may prove irresistible! A greater personal sense of autonomy and spiritual freedom in an increasingly material world.
the wind picked up this morning and blasted all the spaces, rolling recyclables down and into the street, carrying yesterdays news away. i am awake and listening. community some dream at dawn. i cook up some oatmeal and brown sugar. high speed internet and a chance to reconnect. living well can make you soft and vulnerable but not necessarily weak. that depends on you.
K IS SILENT 