trespass

I wanted to live there. i wasn’t desperate, i just wanted to live there. i had a place already! And from my space i could see where i wanted to live and dream about it, while listening to the oven cook the pulp out of the pumpkin seeds.

the way you left

I saw you
I offered you all i could offer
You wanted but would not accept my help. Why?

Please
Do not leave me
with what i offer

helpless
undermined

Standby

Maybe the greatest blessing i have tonight, are these long moments without you, for i can see you from afar and you’re not dangerous anymore, and my once relentless mind has gone on standby.

wild. vast disinterest

Yes i tire
of a selfish
liar

i wanna set something
afire and do

these words
blaze out
the woods
where you
lost me

left me
to clarify
my grave
indifference

i pick the line between us
and raze your toxic
charming

asserting my
wild
     vast
disinterest

yes…
it is alarming

atomically bombed

Today i saw a man hold a cat in his arms, loving it like a child. Today i got so very tight in the chest that it hurt.

An unfortunate dispute with a toxic young woman, whose touch like unconscious betrayal. Yet close to my years on this earth.

The warmth vibrating for almost hours, before the body, dehydrate.

The cold-blooded toxicity poured freely into my vessel. I swear i tried to dam her! But unimpeded rhythms are to live by. And i need to know how you really feel.

And we could have been sisters.
And we could have been brothers.
Maybe, some day, we could have been lovers.

No use. All i could do was hold myself high and separate, in the end. For feeling all my feelings to the end. Even the most celebrated among us, shy away from great pain.

I will be the conduit of all the worlds triumphs and tragedies.
I will take it on and let it all go.
I will be forced on my knees, to find some disparate peace.

We all earned our place on this pounded round earth. With our gods. We run around circles, figure eights. Atomically bombed.

Stepping out of Tron

I lost my world in a mirror. The mirror tricked me. I thought I was 3D.

I was 3D, until my mirror tricked me. Now I’m two dimensions. Eye candy. Background noise.

Someone taught me how to be one-mindful. Now I am single-purposed. One-dimensional. My blade just lost an edge.

They figured out a way to grind me up so fine, into a pointilistic portrait. My EP is an LP. I’m seen in single vision. I got a one track mind.

As i got stirred into the kettle hot water, with powdered cream and splenda, I guess I missed the point.

Still would I find my way through them, though the passage was not easy. Pontificating in the joint.

I reconfigured myself then, like stepping out of Tron. Back into the world of phenomena.

Now I am
(something like)
a phenomenon.

killing me

I felt lost again. Off road. This happened maybe once a day.

All sorts of creative tricks to find my way home.

I had to be ashamed to not know myself any day.

Might happen in the juicy center of an audition.

Then what would i do?

In the middle of my song, and who’s now singing?

 

My feelings changed over time.

Feeling ashamed was no way to feel!

How could i ever learn to find my way home?

If i never got lost?

 

I think i began to enjoy the experience.

Getting lost.

I would tell you my latest secret for getting found.

But i would have to kill me.

sawyer pt road by k

K OCTOBER

K @ HOME © OCTOBER ’14

ness less rest

IF i was nude
without my clothes
wrapped in a blanket
feeling soft and thin
lying on your couch
in an industrial space
where the air is cool
but alive

if you were reading
poetry to me and i
was reading novel excerpts
between

if friends were welcomed
through the lovely living space
without any of age old appropriate hesitations

then the rains would slap
the leaded glass
surreptitiously

then the warmth between my legs
under your arms embracing

then the electric wait
before touch is over and helpless is real and beloved this moment of all that there is

then the realized infinite tenderness so palpable!

the fifth force validation so soft! loving! gentle!

so needless of words

then way out there with us in the ness ness ness less rest
ness less

be still
my memory revigorate
be kind my love
invigorate

pliable me
pliable you

light finds ways to the resting shade. it may be wondrous when it does so. non-chalant. when shadows flicker around these high walls candle lit

taper not
sweet memory

carry on bold to the next. precious life never fail! never falter! never leave! ever last

be still
be kind. let all past present future lives come together here. remarkably

anyone who still dreams
lets go of all you ever established
cherished institutionalized
yours

come read your little voice large into the clear seche vaulting expanse with us. up to the leaded glass high and ritual drumming of rain patter pitter

take off your clothes
wrap yourself in new vetements for once you are seen you are known you are you! you are loved explored like these pages these words these letters inscribed now released upon breath to honor the air

this moment these words from our bodies our ours! and forever. unsealed and exposed to the element

this is now magick. catch fire and cooled by the brick

fishing. indoors

a season
a reason
to get out of bed

a number
an order
a substitute
preacher

tossing
the thoughts
in my head

i’m hungry
i’m thirsty
predestined at last

i turn off the radio
deadbolt the doors
up on my toes…

then cast

my spirit likes soft light
and shadows
to play

even better if
it rains today

with knees to my chest
i sit barefoot
facing north

and wait for her
before

the sun up
lifts all life

i set the trap
in silence