Love shifts like sand. Coffee keeps you grounded. Where does it end?

A spark. An ignition. A fire. The beginning is always so very clear, in your face and hard to turn from. Before love arrives you are restless. You hope for love, but your past is checkered. Failed love. Heated love. Passionate love. Unrequited love. Serial monogamy. Bisexuality. Gender expression somewhat fluid. You are a creative type. You always have your heart set in your words, whether involved in a committed relationship or not. You are more and more dedicated to your sense of humor, since it has bailed you out of so much pain.  Anyway, it has been awhile, a few years actually, longer than usual. You’re working. Going about life. You are on edge. Not fully content. Missing something maybe. Maybe just too focused on work. You work hard. People notice. Suddenly someone’s seeing you and you are seeing them. There’s romance. There’s magic. This is exciting though frightening. You are tempted to get involved. Your personal life is bizarre, a bit stale, not exactly fulfilling. The relationships are scarce. Friendships? A few. One night stands? Infrequent. Someone falls for you every now and then, but often it doesn’t feel like a mutual life. This time its different. You see someone who likes you, and you really like them, too. You get together after a month long romance. The world is spinning. It is an incredible time. Getting to know one another. You show some love. You get scared. You get overwhelmed. You push away. Its subconscious. You feel hurt. You’re stuck in a pattern.You break their heart. Simultaneously, however, You’ve now finally fallen in love. Its subconscious. They push away. They are hurt from before. They are scared to open their heart to you. You keep trying. You fall down again and again. Loud fights. Great upset. The desperate kinda love will not let up. They disappear. Someone hurt them. Not you. You worry for months. Someone hurts you. You get mugged. You get assaulted. You have ptsd. The winter is the worst of your life. You are so sad. Lonely and alone. Still in love. Waiting. They are healing. They finally contact you. They want to see you and come to see you. You have a great time together. Its a new year. You are inspired and in love. You reach out for help. You get help. You start to heal. You are really vulnerable. But you take a risk and follow your heart. You couple up. In Sacramento. All seems wonderful. For a minute. The weight of the past lies heavy and hard. The past won’t stay in the past. Keeps boiling up to the surface. You both effort to stay present. But the fights are as painful, although much less frequent. They are doutbtful. They have family around. You are new to the area. They have resources. You have obligations. You move in together. Sharing is going well. Trust is still intact. But theres a personal boundary violation. A cell phone turns to dust. Some trust is lost. Theres a crack in the foundation. There is fatigue and fear. And some comfort between you. But then the truth is concealed from you, behind a facade, behind a lie. You are so hurt. You realize you are in love with someone whose not in love with you. Who is building a life, and leaving you out of it. But acting like they stand with you. Your feelings are so intense. You are living vulnerable, but real. You are trying so hard to heal. The pain is intense. You feel like the only thing to do is leave. So you pack your shit up and leave. Quickly. Without fighting. Just a few words. No malice. Just sorrow. The end.The end? The end. The end! The end? The end. The end! The end. The end?