star made

star made of matter
star beyond ice
all the hearts feeling
tumble through space
like numbers chase
paint off the
dice

july (first cut)

tiles hold the sun. skin absorbs the heat. there are patterns in the floors but only the colors make any sense to me. i cannot feel a pattern. i can only hear the music in the colors. i only feel the sun inside my feet. i am july. on my hands and knees. i am not enough without the sun. on my belly. laughing into the pores of earth.

pearls

life got painful

you couldn’t take it anymore

so you found a corner to cut

you got caught

you were young and that’s what we do

we make mistakes

we are reckless

learning to live

today the pearls are strung

thrice around your

neck

turkish coffee drips into ceramic

sheltered inside your hands

nails

translucent like newborn sea shells

all that ever happened

in your eyes

en scene

fire up a fresh pot

1950

New York City

nothing’s changed

detectives shaking down

girlfriends

all units

five boroughs chasing

leads

en scene

burlesque

1950

Los Angeles

unrequited love

lipstick

smeared on a hopeless

heart

betrayal

en scene

stolen car

desperate men

1950

conspire for quick

cash

chicago

there will be

blood

seek search ing

searching became seeking on an otherwise atypical weekend. seeking became leaking when the sought after was found and overflowed the fullness. leaking became luck when it just so happened the collection was rare and appreciated behind glass by the mass. luck became suck when the interactivity failed to give a deep felt sense of belonging both hoped for and needed. suck became destruction when the place got torn apart ina  rage. destruction became relief when they all realized how connected they were by the rage. relief became regret when they witnessed the damage they done. they thought the collection ruined, and history would miss out completely. regret was not set in stone. regret was reformed by the mission. the mission was to get up every day and pray to get out there and then actually get out there. be helpful some way to someone in need. the mission was showing yourself. showing up. making meaning where otherwise there was none. standing courageously on an edge. jumping in.

end week end

i do not want what the world

wants for me

 

begin week

begin

 

go

be with the world

find out why you exist

 

for

beyond yourself lies

joyfulness within yourself

peace of

mind

 

one is unreal one

is real

 

end week end

come out your shell electric

come out

your shell

electric

 

do not your

self redact it

 

expand!

you need not be

contracted

 

nor smudged

erased

subtracted

 

walk past the pails with

what the water

boil

 

pour over now and penetrate

the soil

 

coffee grounds

for celebration

 

show up to work nonconforming

refuse to leave

 

come out

your shell

electric

dream of a loss

i just now woke from a nightmare whereby my keys were lost or stolen. my friend sarah who i havent seen in a decade was the only bright aspect to the dream. she was helping me. taking me to some lesser known city resource where hopelessness ends.

we were waiting in line when i woke up. the stress melted out of my mind and body like a pad of butter in a pan. the birds the sun and the cats preceded me to consciousness. a couple hours before work. how terrible a feeling, to lose anything important to you.