test flick gnash

i was going about my day with

the best intentions the

squirrels started to chatter told me

all kinds of things none of which were true

gnawing on acorns leaving shells

scattered around my mind

 

i was gonna have to sweep and mop

convinced i was no good

the world a terrible place

 

i found a nice tree to sit under

for a spell i

lay my head back butterflied my arms out

closed my eyes

prayed for several days. the squirrels

they finally jumped

out from the crown

clung to the tree testing

their little claws flicking

their puffy tails

gnashing their teeth they

took off chasing into the high branches

 

when i finally stood

my thoughts were peaceful

friendly. you

gotta make the most of what

you got

 

i gnashed my teeth

and tested back

+ a flash +

they are falling in love

they are working

they are raising the children

from south carolina

to china

the sun looks the same

the moon looks the same

from hong kong to warsaw

they worship the same gods

under different names

drink the same wine

the stars appear

no different

only the moment makes

history

the diverse feelings arise and fall

beneath the diverse flags

we come and go like

the wind

day 12

pandemic 2020 day 12

March 29
Global cases = 679,000
USA = 125,000
Sacramento = 164E (3.27)

I realized yesterday not all of California’s counties are updating numbers daily. Sacramento and Los Angeles are only providing accurate infection numbers every 3 days. The covid19 transmits through saliva so those little paper masks people wear apparently are useless, as they attract and absorb saliva droplets. I also realize that in grocery stores (where the aisles are not very wide and the goods are essential) people are almost accidentally disobeying the CDC recommendations. Example would be acquaintances running into one another within one aisle and trying to cognitively assess the exact distance between them while simultaneously being fully present and compassionate with a fellow human being they may not have seen in a while. We have a natural inclination (which we must now fight) to abide by our life long training in social standards! So it takes a real conscious effort to distance ourselves at ALL times from others by 6 feet or more. The best way to make this happen is spontaneous communication. Listen, we care about one another so let’s be sure: are we six feet away right now? Find your own chosen words and start using them. The two navy hospital ships have now situated themselves on the respective coasts. Mercy on the Pacific (Los Angeles) and Comfort on the Atlantic (NYC). Governor Cuomo is fighting Trump to keep his state from being quarantined, and has described this in language which hearkens back to the Civil War! This would be a declaration of war against the state of New York. As of this morning, Trump has backed off the quarantine. They say such an order would only cause pandemonium as residents of New York would likely start to flee the state. Once again, Democracy as a political system is a funny thing. Any leader has to take into account peoples mobility and, like the stock market, has to take the pulse of public sentiment, which is often a far cry from fact. You have to legislate with people’s feelings in mind, because you only have so much influence over them. Personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

dear friends, if you wish to follow all of my pandemic diary posts, please visit my website https://www.katyamills.com  if you think i should keep posting them on K IS SILENT please leave me a comment and let me know! stay safe  ❤  Katya

(minute) outlier

imagine

everything which ever
came to be once was
nothing but a thought

a feeling
set off from the
mainstream

even

our little universe

this minute outlier speck

someday may be the very dead
heat center of it

all

 

 

cannot help it

i write these words
i cannot help it
i gotta tune my voice

to silence
thrown off a little
by the world every
day

katya 2020

csus

california state university. sacramento. i got lost on the campus again, after dark. asked for directions no less than three times. i know why they call it eureka hall. the moment i found it i felt that way. the kids were packed in the classroom, florence gave me a big smile and i took my place on the panel. the three stories came before mine were nothing short of inspirational. i hoped my truth could keep the spirit alive. about halfway through my story i found the pulse. the faces began to light up. these are difficult memories to draw. i told them how i owed forgiveness to my dearly departed cat. around 2001 Raccoon turned on me and slashed me in the face with his claws. that’s when i knew what an asshole i had become, deep in the heart of addiction.

luke.warm

i saw you and spoke to you and you gave me a lukewarm response. you were with a friend and preoccupied. i was on another mission. i hope you know i care about you. i was trying to say so with my eyes. you have been through some fire. being a social worker is a lucky way to live. they find you [or you them], in their darkness, and you have a chance to make a meaningful difference. then you detach and they become just another star in the firmament, and all you gotta do is look around to see the ones who made it, and they light up your life.

the focus + shifts

How the narrative has changed in the States. just one month ago all the rich were becoming increasingly paranoid about the aging senator from vermont. what a surprise. they hadn’t expected anything threatening to ever come out of a part of the country known for covered bridges and maple syrup, ben and jerry’s ice cream, the latest practices for organic farming, jam and jam bands… democratic socialism? he was halfway toward securing the nomination. what if he made it to the big stage and found a way to beat the king? to the dsa (democratic socialists of america) their concerns were elemental and elitist and typically egocentric; being separated from one’s money. the whole point was not to make the rich miserable, but rather to forge a path towards social justice, fair labor practices, healthcare for all, and other socioeconomic equalities. it was a divisive yet electric moment in the political arena. now covid19 has arrived and the world has turned completely upside down.

the consciousness

i saw you less and less then

there was the accident

i hoped for you to heal

i prayed for you

what happened to the kid

to turn the thoughts against

them? how sometimes we 

cannot want the best

for anyone?

may we become

the consciousness of caring ina

time of urgent need!

if i falter the old ways

resurface like the deepest

hurt striking out

the consciousness turns

drawn up off the

bottom of the

sea

pandemic 2020 day 3

March 20. I scared myself thinking i may have symptoms of covid-19. i have a history of asthma and bronchitis and have compensated for shortness of breath by long-distance running. the past couple of mornings i have felt short of breath slightly, and i have been sleeping extra hours. hopefully i’m fine. i ordered more inhalers just in case, on advice of my brother. i still cannot find a thermometer in local stores to check my temperature. the part of me that gets scared amps up and then i come to place of acceptance to calm down. so i may get the virus like anyone else, and then i just need to get through it. i have faith that i can. i have an autoimmune condition but i have kept myself in very good health and i am only 47 years old. my plan is to continue running the river and doing yoga at home to stay in good cardiovascular health. as of midnight last night the city and region of Sacramento put into force a shelter-in-place law, which can be enforced. this follows the Bay Area and SF which did so monday. a colleague told me her friend who lives in SF actually got a ticket for venturing outdoors for something other than ‘essential services’. so this is martial law. Governor Gavin Newsom indicated in a letter to the President that he fears in 8 weeks time, half of the 45 million citizens of California will be infected with covid-19. This to me was an astounding statement! We have been told that the virus has stopped spreading in its epicenter, in Wuhan, China, no new cases are being reported. And they topped out at 80,000 infected. So i figured if they can stop it, why can’t we? I am curious to learn more. I cannot let myself be terrified. Only curious to learn and understand and take any precautions to safeguard myself and anyone i come in contact with. The distance between two people has been set somewhere between 6-10 feet. Essential services include mostly anything you gotta do to meet your basic needs. Healthcare appointments, exercise, walking pets, grocery shopping, post office, etc. No social gatherings for leisure activities. The mayor of New York City Bill De Blasio just had a press conference and railed on President Trump for not having yet mobilized the government and ‘the finest military in the world’ to battle. Hospitals are going to run out of the necessary equipment in two weeks. This is the first domestic leader to really come out with a strong statement against the current administration. NYC has clearly become the new epicenter of covid-19 domestically, and it has millions of people crowded into several square miles. So the potential cost of life is extremely high.