q grounding

they saw the man who attacked them in aisle 6 at Safeway

knee deep in fashion mags

unable to diminish the intrusions by breathing and affirmations

they grounded through the senses

a butterscotch lifesaver

#katyamills

#PTSD

watching the many screens 

killing the endless hours and

they say there’s a heart in your chest

i don’t remember and they say 

there’s thoughts in your skull

i don’t know. but it’s better

to be numb than feel

#katyamills

dizzy

thoughts. sift through them for the ones will give you strength to face another day. the venom from traumas is pure and lethal. 😵 when dizzy you can sometimes dance but not always

the form they took so pleasant to behold

i bought a glue gun

spread the pieces out on the coffee table to connect them

the traumas they ruptured my memories

then walking around town the questions were flying

where did you get such a lovely coat? how much did it cost?

trust me it’s more than you are willing

to pay

#katyamills

triggered

rarely to never at a loss for words

i find it kinda funny. must be a distant cousin 

of trauma. i laugh out loud 

in the company of strangers

#katyamills

4 keeps

the days unsparingly dull 

then when they lay down to rest 

the dreams like a thriller

replete with all the life they could not have 

encouraged to be somebodys

project dependent and broken they 

sometimes forgot 

the best about them

self what was 4 keeps

#katyamills

22.unknown

you cannot know them 

sealed inside an envelope they

will cut you like paper they

are shredded beyond repair

you wish you could reach them you

wish to have them for tea

locked inside a trauma they

will cut you by accident they

are secretive. precise with words

senseless must they be

alone

#katyamills

4

i am walking home before midnight

the city crackles with explosives the

heaviest ones shake the ground and 

resound against the pop pop pop the

whistling with definite small caliber 

gunfire shot off by the rebels 

among us. the powder and sulfur

permeates the heat my old traumas 

are resurfacing the anxiety is only adrenaline

lit like a fuse. you cannot cancel the fourth

of july.  the wonderment in kids faces beneath the bloom 

a full moon. ascending receding

block after block. the river the

only stillness tonight. its reflection

captures my imagination

#katyamills

27.20

i had to learn how to live all over again, after the trauma. i didn’t completely lose my ability to write or speak or communicate, but it did something to my nervous system, and i could not think clearly. my thought process was fragmented and tangential. my moods stood me up and walked me into altercations. my thoughts put on a show, racing recklessly into the night. i lived this way for several years. 7 years later i am doing well. i am calm and charged and can talk to anyone and look you in the eye. i am not easily triggered into fight or flight or freeze. i give thanks. i dedicate my life to communicating some hope to those who feel hopeless in the world.

12 going on 21

why you were left alone so long only the spinning world would know. by now. you know it hurts looking back. you made friends easy and what friends. a formula for trouble and trouble looks like anything but trouble at first.