the traveler. 1997

life changed i

became
free of walk and free
of talk

those i loved
who had loved me
vanished

a sunny room
i watch you start in on
your meal

a couch under a modest chandelier
time passes
a soft spot where my voice
had been

ceramic plate
eggs and a spot of ketchup
a silver fork and listen!
do not speak!

contractions expansions the hands
climbing circles round
a face

you cannot
this cannot be
real

pots and pans brimming
with soap. good god
are we?

good god! i am
alive

#katyamills
1997

12.

twelve

Twelve went out for a run at eleven only to be liquefied by noon. A group of children roaming free for the summer came across the silver tracings and got down, low to the ground, and dipped their fingers into the silt, looked at one another and laughed. They painted their faces and tracked twelve back home. Lodged in the system for good and no longer alone, twelve struck twice a day and made himself known.

time slapped me

time slapped me an hour

Halloween was over and I was feelin pretty dismal, cause I had gone to the store yesterday and bought ten whole candy bars which i put in the freezer for the kids or myself, depending on if i got any trick or treaters, and it was over and ten candy bars were still in my freezer. The funny thing is, some kids had come banging on up the stairs and knocking on my door. Sounded like a whole busload of them. But the timing was simply atrocious. I mean, I had woken up a half hour earlier from a nap, and it takes me at least forty-five minutes to really be awake, my meds have to kick in and all that, and for sure I’m not ready for visitors. 

Not only that, I had thrown a few egg rolls and a medley of frozen vegetables into the oven and was sitting down to dinner. Not only that, but the world series was on the radio and I was actually captivated, it was the bottom or top of the ninth inning, a couple of young studs on base, the closer on the mound, and electricity in the air or was that just static. Whatever the case, I had no mind to go answering the door for an entire schoolyard full of kids. All I had was ten bars, anyway. They were liable to ransack my place for more. Kids today do stuff like that. They’re exposed to all that stuff on the internet, blogs and stuff; they’re like little hardened pre-criminals just waiting for the crime!

My friend Rick told me there’s fight and there’s flight but they always leave out the other one, freeze. Well that’s what I did. I froze like candy bars. It was hopeless. I would have to work up a smile, and that alone would take minutes. So I missed it. Halloween passed me by. Again. Last year I didn’t get any kids (and thank god cause i didn’t have any candy), and this year I did, but I blew it. I really blew it.

Long after the kids left empty-handed, I felt so bad I went out to the street to see if I could fish any stragglers off the sidewalk, lure them to my place so I could give out a candy bar. But they were all gone, why? I went inside and looked at the clock. It was 4am. No wonder. Halloween was over. I was feelin’ pretty dismal, and went to the freezer for a candy bar. The chocolate started to cheer me up a little, and then some guy on the radio was kind enough to remind me to set my clock back. Wow! Time just slapped me an hour. The day after Halloween already was shaping up pretty well. Old man time must have felt bad for someone like me. There’s tons of stuff you can do in an hour. Hell, I just wrote you a letter and I still have a boatload of minutes to play with.

love. over time

love was first given. freely. generously. and all was well or so it seemed.

energies were drawn. attentions shifted. the harbor of love, drifted.

times changed. there was no right or wrong about it. just  differences. new alliances. fences.

the queen of hearts hid in the hand. her husband suicided. apertures closed. windows. chances.

marked was romance for death. love so tender it hurt. stay away. everything in spades.

and original god given skin tone shown, where the single diamond symbolic once shone.

sunday. as is

no matter what kinda life i might have, no matter what hopes or dreams, i find reassurance on a sunday, now and here, laid out on the couch looking up, the stillness and quiet coming over me slowly with the rushing of air

and i realize, in the atmospheric space left by the panic and fear, forty years into what a madness as is, i may never be more blessed than here, than now, for this moment finds true peace in my heart

static vampire, seasonal erotic

i am a static

vampire

i never wanna

change

 

i blend

i pierce

i range

the

earth

skin

grain

 

i’m never gonna change

 

i am a static vampire

i cannot fucking change

if you change

around me?

 

pale

withdrawn

deranged

 

i am a static

mythological

monster

i like my music

burned

 

i lick your constant scorn

never gonna

change

 

time she waits for me

i lock her equinox

dys the solstice

stare

cock block the

clock

 

i am a static

forlorn

phantasmic

fury

 

the same the same

the same

 

death can never

cross

my eternal flatline

plane

 

god help

me

help me

change