fear and the medulla

Back in the desperate place the mind likes to take me, where the thoughts are all discouraging and fear walks unaccosted across the oblongata, tamping the vessels until blood pressure rises, I see that I am troubled and finally say a prayer, as my breathing heads for the shallows where the shore has disappeared…

from King’s ‘The Dead Zone

what saved me, this time, was drawing the Dead Zone, the paperback, up to my face, my nose tucked in towards the spine, and closing my eyes and inhaling deeply the scent of the pulp, which transported me body and soul into a lovely forest, some forgotten place and time,  from which this pulp was hewn.

the ides of march upon us, here is my wish…
may we overcome all our fear, live long and prosper
– KatYa, 2017



the weekend came
with rain and the grasses fantasy

reality was dishes
was rent and quarter
moons and abrasive

the train tracks are so
godddam polished

when the weather clears
i think i will go eat lunch
on them

or paint my nails
or lay my spine out
or straddle them in denim
and ride them

choo choo
like a freak

or follow the vibration
to the end of
the world

like church bells
like prayer

like god was in doing
the thing which
when done

made you


i gave up

i gave up
once friends
who gave up
on me

to keep them
demanded i lose faith
in myself

this was sad
i prayed

i gave up
they cut short
so many lives

i wanted
so badly
2 breathe

this was hard
i prayed

i gave up
myself and
the world

some romantic

what i wanted
to be
to see

made a wall
stand between my life
and me

i gave up bread
to the pond
to feed
the ugly
truth duckling

i gave up
retail therapy
that’s a lie

i just ran out
of money

im sorry
life gets sad
im sad
lifes so hard

a timeless
the human
may not
make sense

one day is okay
the next is not

now i pray
every day as
i did
when i was
a kid

back then
early eighties
2 feel good
4 myself

now i pray

2 live how
2 trust how
2 give

and not