there is no safe

you wanted me 
to be soft and sweet. safe
but i came out all hard
and tough to swallow

you broke your teeth 
on me. tasted blood

i left the leash and collar
snagged upon your 
fence. i ran with all i
got. body mind spirit  
guts

#katyamills

paws

under a frothy sky of foam

we were going round and round

these arguments long lost sense

breath of life what i would take 

and give. a moment  just to live

#katyamills

dnf

rumination was a book labelled dnf

i dropped a gear and gripped the throttle

got the hell out of that small town

cubic centimeters pulled all the thoughts away they

got tore up like roadkill

my mind made space 4 all diverse 

everythings 

#katyamills

cross

when the sun hit the sky

the disturbance had washed out

they body and mind 

a formerly great splash

of paint. how peaceful life

again had become

when the sun genuflect

met and crossed the sea

 

#katyamills

be with

in a city
for the first time you
don’t have to do nothing
but be with
walk around and explore
leave your damn phone
at home

#katyamills

fear and the medulla

Back in the desperate place the mind likes to take me, where the thoughts are all discouraging and fear walks unaccosted across the oblongata, tamping the vessels until blood pressure rises, I see that I am troubled and finally say a prayer, as my breathing heads for the shallows where the shore has disappeared…

from King’s ‘The Dead Zone

what saved me, this time, was drawing the Dead Zone, the paperback, up to my face, my nose tucked in towards the spine, and closing my eyes and inhaling deeply the scent of the pulp, which transported me body and soul into a lovely forest, some forgotten place and time,  from which this pulp was hewn.

the ides of march upon us, here is my wish…

may we overcome all our fear, live long and prosper

– KatYa, 2017

snow me over

snow me over a lather of denial

There is always me and my mindbodyspirit. The spirit cannot be touched nor seen, yet is the cornerstone of the experiment that is me… this truth left the subunified districting in the hands of the mindbody to battle it out for supremacy. The mindbody was not unlike (me) at all, and so much the same it made my mind a furious, raging llama, so furious I decided one day to call the stumbling, hulking mass of idiot flesh and networks of tubes full of bloody hell, something other than what it truly was. A vivid space I typed between the subunified essence of me, smiling when the typewriter rang its little bell. The angels are calling, the angels are calling! The message is here.

A pond of correction fluid grew larger as time (another construct of mind yet several epochs before, the mind says with conviction) went on. The result was the contemptuous subdistricting between which a fence then wall was constructed to keep the obviously related, deep-rooted elements, superficially apart. The divisions grew stronger and the roots were cut off, and soon the sea of humanity institutionalized the damn thing. Children like me were encouraged at a terribly young age (despite our knowing better) about the mind and the body, distinct from the spirit. Groupings of disparate parts could then be made possible for the sake of fun and games. Mindbody. Mind-body-spirit. Psychosocial. Bio-psycho-social-spiritual. Each part could be ritually washed and cleaned and manipulated per se.

My mind had me over the ropes, snowed over a lather of denial, in a plate glass window of time. It was truly obscene! Which I only realized when I finally woke up to the truth.

unrefined. 15

making love
crashing down
to the ground

penning paragraphs
silence
sound

thrashing

spirit
mind

unrefined

Standby

Maybe the greatest blessing i have tonight, are these long moments without you, for i can see you from afar and you’re not dangerous anymore, and my once relentless mind has gone on standby.

surround. sound

Inside the body, you will find coursing and pulsing of blood. A muscle, pumping iron.

Inside the mind, you will find the plus and the minus and the neutral of thought. Layers upon layers of judgment surround sound.

Inside the affect, you will find emotional roller derby. Fear pushing euphoria over the rail. Anger throttling fear with a fist. Then the sadness and joy all that’s left.

Inside the spirit, there is hope, there is courage. Compassion and passion and love. Perhaps waylaid by some local, situational lesson in pain.

There lies endless life, in the soul. Free energy in circulation. Awakening and opening the eyes in god’s time, not ours.