the meaning manufacturing plant

we have our grave differences

crashing around these rooms

we speak as though what we believe were facts

no. they are just opinions

packaged by the meaning manufacturing plant

i would be sincere. acknowledge the power

the thoughts have over us

and love you just the same


crypto night

they gave what they had 

the hours of attention undivided they gave

what they made 

digitally sealed cryptographic tokens

etched into trees scrawled 

upon paper

to fade


single mom

looking for meaning

cooking and cleaning

down to protect this

fighting off xxxxx’s 

smile may be forced 

4 you and your

cameras #katyamills

seek search ing

searching became seeking on an otherwise atypical weekend. seeking became leaking when the sought after was found and overflowed the fullness. leaking became luck when it just so happened the collection was rare and appreciated behind glass by the mass. luck became suck when the interactivity failed to give a deep felt sense of belonging both hoped for and needed. suck became destruction when the place got torn apart ina  rage. destruction became relief when they all realized how connected they were by the rage. relief became regret when they witnessed the damage they done. they thought the collection ruined, and history would miss out completely. regret was not set in stone. regret was reformed by the mission. the mission was to get up every day and pray to get out there and then actually get out there. be helpful some way to someone in need. the mission was showing yourself. showing up. making meaning where otherwise there was none. standing courageously on an edge. jumping in.

what was given us

the colorless moments of stressed inhibition

must i be always backed into a corner before i come


a sea of bad news and brake lights


even tears and smiles

were a stretch


from that place of half flag summer fatigue

arose a current from the far


we would not know until we opened two walls

the windows

life came into the trees

i awoke feeling different

all the colors returned

time was no longer just a waiting for work

there was meaning

it was personal

it was yours

it was mine


i found myself purposed to be an instrument of some constituent pie charted and marketed and television saturated and worked, yes, worked, worked to the marrow to grow some boundless fruitless profit margin i would never see nor feel nor benefit from :: i found myself channeled to evolve our nation, grow her right off the fucking map, people, not unlike the old English empire. less colonialism. more land. smaller navy.

i found myself
and decided not
to participate

drama by katya

Life makes its own meaning day after day. Joseph Campbell knew what people are searching for and it’s not the meaning of life. I want the embodied feeling of being alive. The vitality. This is a greater cause. Still I am driven to write the books I was chosen to write for the world.  Lately I feel I am closer to a wholeness of energy, a fullness not unlike tonight’s super full moon. I think it may be a payoff for all the obligations I’ve taken on. It’s an interesting experiment but I have to write the books. Nothing compares to how you feel when you do what you were born to do.


one moment you feel little, then large, and in between. some hang on to your every word, while others wouldn’t know you exist. you care about something, you care some more, then the world becomes full with meaning and you couldn’t care more. you could care less.

eyelids. fallen like my guard

– cut #3

I suffer headaches

Tension too thick to mention
You know. I know. We all know.
I know we all know what is
about to happen
sentiments left touching
 thin air
 comforting handshake
 they had
time trails into some
second hand see ya
lead into some
    lonely night pin cushion
 never to

you, too, would have left it that way…

like i had to…
let it go…
like i

you would have had me

 leave it like up and
    walk away would
not you
before you
found and held
and loved the fuckin
hell out of

to the expense
of my breath
of my lungs
pressing me

pressing in on me
pressing me out all whole again
in the end

goddam i miss you

a story so simple

Having to make meaning in life can be hard and worrisome, but if you think about it as a creative endeavor you can get excited and maybe transform the worries and pretrauma of knowin our bodies can only hold us for so long before they wear out, into higher energy feelingstates. Living itself need not be impeded by worry thoughts and despair. So scoop up that pancake and flip it over. It is bubbling and ready. I will sit here, waiting for you, and write a story so simple there are no names.

reading at home with cat