to stop in yourself
the madness of the world
online and off
find what you stand for
tolerate disagreements
be properly outraged
and mostly passionate
able to voice what you care about
and why
#katyamills
Tag Archives: madness
reading #227
fortune
befalls you
each morning
when you
come to
slap your face
drink your dreary coffee
black
eat twice as much
oatmeal
still you lack
cut yourself
no slack
assembly line of life
wants you back
jack…
don’t go
give yourself a
staycation
a lavender mud mask
write a book
count all your pennies
shout Foucault to the rooftops
leave us your history
of madness
pulse @39
The medical tech excused herself to speak with her supervisor. She hid her worry rather well. I was in a gown after an EKG. I had a paperback in hand, from the donated library in the waiting room. This happened almost every time. I was once living at high speeds. Sleepless nights. Racing around to no end. Years ago I exited my madness. Since then life has been something to cherish in slow motion. Few sudden surprises. When I saw her, she looked relieved. I asked her the number. Today my pulse chimes in @ 39.
we fall
Has been
she was. she was a has been
looking quite seductive
attracting our energy
i remember with sadness
we remember collectively
the witches
the sufis
the mystics
the number people
those who lived and died by the numbers
and still do
scratched rolled
got high kick adrenaline off numbers
got lowdown dirt broke
laid over numbers
by the tracks
across them
A double cross then
on this one night
three times heated over
some petty useless argument
murderers murder over
(needed an excuse that’s all
they cannot kill without reason)
no real reason
just lost
double crossed
fumblin to get wide of my skinny jeans
on the beach
last night
tonight tommorrow
night
Some kinda player he fashions himself
me some kinda someone
he plays
well i was not gonna
open up for no singular double crosser
guess what
guess what if you’re guessing
(throw my sandy blonde hair back
over my eyes so not to give away
whats behind them)
Betrayal
the colors were changing my iris
cobalt blue turning royal
i am crossed in this setup
its painful. his means to my end
Just so
just so used to violence
always im touched. made to feel like giving up
you must be violent with the world
violent with self
violent with me and
i got the patch can you not see i
got the goddam medal
ya. still. you would get into it with me
the cannot be spoken and not even here
understood
Come here with your weak game to this ball of resistance
this wall. my existence
come here to my softness
and soft may i be
yet bold with flavor like
english breakfast tea
i won’t need a receipt
i will walk away before you chance to raise your eyelids
you never even caught me half mad out the door
Half mad
half out
half lost by
the door
half mad
half out
half empty
half sad
none innocent
Double cross
and raise you twenty
the poverty adds up
to make us poor
You your solemn sorry self
just trying to score
thought i was on the take when i wasn’t
Had you seen yourself going down
you could have would have saved your self
again recounting the drama the day drove into
your lungs when what you call a heart
is unknown to you
You who made the world ache
in the eighties what with
your prosperous nonsense you’re
unnecessary
You gave when giving itself was on the take
jake
a snake
a snake
reptilian counters your smooth wanna-moves
No one
not even that younger girl you had
down by the small towns the
small lake
a quiet night it was
and that’s what gave you away. too late
too late too late for her anyway
(she’s the kinda one im here to remind you of. hello)
If not myself
not myself
whom you clearly forgot
behind your made upedness
I would be
i was
worn out
my make up
well. just fell
Fallen down in cream mineral bare
essential straight loss
i gave up on you
and your double cross
you see. i crossed too. i had to
got prepared
had an agenda
planned it out
(what a cost)
Ya I wore the long boots skinny jeans
you saw. you knew
(you wanted it, too)
damn
i feel cursed
i feel cursed just like you
just so
Made up me and you the monsters
in this creature double cross feature
this sordid rendez-vous
Made me a star
i got the feeling awash over me like a little kid. i did.
whose feelings come like waves roll out like petals
to the song of the sun every day
opened up. in this state
were it blissful
were we pensive
houston
were we texas
No, no. no, i never been there. will you take me someone
i’m a star, remember
the star
i’m some star. right. and stars shine
they do. remember
they dont go
they dont go just where you ask them
Dont listen. stars. do they
(always gotta get some action)
You know by what you get…
what you got when you
ask them
Royal blue drained to cobalt
i hid this from you
you did not exist for me then
nor did i for you
goddam
you kill me
a little more every time
I’m tired. i’m tired thats why i’m talking to you
about you
because
to you
about you
for you… one nation of you (under you)…
fuck you
See
we fall down
it’s fall
and we fall
falling together
fallen down
over one
over all
we fall
we fall
sunday. as is
no matter what kinda life i might have, no matter what hopes or dreams, i find reassurance on a sunday, now and here, laid out on the couch looking up, the stillness and quiet coming over me slowly with the rushing of air
and i realize, in the atmospheric space left by the panic and fear, forty years into what a madness as is, i may never be more blessed than here, than now, for this moment finds true peace in my heart
homelessness
imagine
the madness
inchoate
entailed
when taken away
the shell
from a
snail
K IS SILENT 