reading #228

A.T.E. by Katya Mills

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a prayer. #archive 2015

i want only to live my life and let you go, please, may i have the courage to walk away and wish you well, healing and happiness and all the things cash cannot buy. no matter how many phone numbers are blocked, hurtful text messages deleted,  email addresses registered as spam; no matter how many doors i lock and photos i delete and letters i recycle, nothing changes unless i settle with myself. yes i am branded, yes i wear your imprint on my heart. and how can i regret, what with all the goodness you gave me before we fell out? those moments in love were unbelievable. i am incredulous, shocked, having lost you. years have passed and still you find a way to me. to hurt me some more with the painful rewriting of our history. please forgive me, but i must for my spirit and forever walk away from you. when i remember you, i promise to try and remember when you were the greatest. we were the best and for a second. no one will remember but us, the flash the spark we were and then were over. and now i say goodbye. and i love you.

give thanks

If life has worn you out, be worn out for a while and let yourself surrender. Try and be grateful. For only can you be tired by living if you have truly lived, and it is the living that you did that made you feel the way you feel now. Some don’t get the chance to feel beat down by a hard day’s work because for some reason they are not living like you are, maybe they are not now capable of really letting themselves go and get carried away. May today be a day to give thanks for the life that beats us up and wears us out, working, raising kids, building something, caring for someone, devotion, fighting for something, loving someone, learning our lessons, taking our licks, falling, getting up, pulling ourselves together, asking for help, succeeding, failing, crying, laughing, running, shouting, breathless, dreaming, getting quiet again… and looking back we would do it all over again.

some friend

some friends
you cast out for them

too small

they have to be tossed back
to the sea

do over

Not all was well, there was a zap and i got zapped, I don’t know why it was me but it was, i didn’t need a charge this morning i already had my green tea extracted and my acid was lactic the ultra didactic. Someone was having a bad day. Someone really hurt me and thought it was okay. Someone deserted me and i got zapped. What can I say? Someone didn’t mean it, they were having a bad day? I wanted to have patience I wanted to be tolerant I wanted to be loving I wanted to be kind. But i got zapped and i kinda lost it, today, not all was well so i gave myself away and traded bullshit for bullshit on a five minute text exchange in the pits of interpersonal refuse calling out a hater like i had nothing to lose. But i lost it. For a moment i lost my sunshine my peace of mind and got zapped. Oh well. I’m gonna forgive myself and start the day over.

ten five. fish

some friends are like

friends are like

are like

     fish you cast out for

 them cast out for them

out for them

    and (too small) they

 have to be have

to be too small and

thrown back to the

back to the

shallows the

sea

miss middle name panic

Stress
took over her life

panic
her
middle
name
became

Red hot
to the touch
Cold facing
the clock

Miss
Middle
name
panic

hummed
weathered bars
fractured
eyeball capillaries
curled into
snowballs
melted
down 2
floorboards
down 2
disappear

Until pray
One day

turned
somethin
over

stress
got arrested
by the
fashion police

panic confined
2 a cold copper
bed

who knew