cocaine (1996)

I found this piece I wrote in script, 1996
(black cover diary)…

cocaine

sweeping the powder
with the tip of the fingernail
composing your lines

and nothing can bring
you back

bend the neck down
let a shoulder drop
turn your head to one side

meet your creation

the tide comes in
washes you away

fade gently into the horizon
behind a cloud

the undertow

your world has
consumed you

-Katya

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come out your shell electric

come out

your shell

electric

 

do not your

self redact it

 

expand!

you need not be

contracted

 

nor smudged

erased

subtracted

 

walk past the pails with

what the water

boil

 

pour over now and penetrate

the soil

 

coffee grounds

for celebration

 

show up to work nonconforming

refuse to leave

 

come out

your shell

electric

axis

you were my horizon

i was vertical
blind

crossing the ocean
without a plotted
course

you were solid fixed
i was fitted. the
waves and sheets the
sun and salt

nevermind. it’s not our fault
the night is disobedient

the suspension
bridge of light

you
gave me my
life

scarred
out of sight
blind

nevermind
we are like kids

we are travelers

we laugh at the future
we are all
right

may sometime five

relocating yourself is hard. i was all wound up and so tightly there was no room for a catch, twenty two, or a finger to inch its way between the string and the spool. the risk was decapitation of an innocent digit, say number two, flat on the ground without its curly-q. the tale had a tail. i saw the end of it, too. it was bushy like a cat’s just washed, having dried. the cat was my tiger approaching me now on the bed, after another long night moving more stuff from point a to point b. all crying in his cage earlier, soaking wet. feeling scared and mistreated. now it was long after my usual bedtime and i was the one hurt and crying after the longest of days. finally lying down @ point b. suddenly letting go. the wind took the kite and all, pulling the spool and the string right out of my hand. now we are free. my tiger and his brother approach me. blondie comes up and nestles his head under my ribs. his brother, pitbull aka bunny, settles down on the blanket by my feet. these are the only kids i have. i am suddenly unwound and so happy. the breeze draws in from the window. we are home. we are flying.