axis

you were my horizon

i was vertical
blind

crossing the ocean
without a plotted
course

you were solid fixed
i was fitted. the
waves and sheets the
sun and salt

nevermind. it’s not our fault
the night is disobedient

the suspension
bridge of light

you
gave me my
life

scarred
out of sight
blind

nevermind
we are like kids

we are travelers

we laugh at the future
we are all
right

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may sometime five

relocating yourself is hard. i was all wound up and so tightly there was no room for a catch, twenty two, or a finger to inch its way between the string and the spool. the risk was decapitation of an innocent digit, say number two, flat on the ground without its curly-q. the tale had a tail. i saw the end of it, too. it was bushy like a cat’s just washed, having dried. the cat was my tiger approaching me now on the bed, after another long night moving more stuff from point a to point b. all crying in his cage earlier, soaking wet. feeling scared and mistreated. now it was long after my usual bedtime and i was the one hurt and crying after the longest of days. finally lying down @ point b. suddenly letting go. the wind took the kite and all, pulling the spool and the string right out of my hand. now we are free. my tiger and his brother approach me. blondie comes up and nestles his head under my ribs. his brother, pitbull aka bunny, settles down on the blanket by my feet. these are the only kids i have. i am suddenly unwound and so happy. the breeze draws in from the window. we are home. we are flying.

partly sunny good chance of showers without you

i can say i have been honest with you, but my words sit on the hands of the clock, beside the point. the point is a solitary entry. markedly confident, rather lonely. a circle to itself. a hole in the moon. a vacancy. divided from the rest. full of its own opinion. terminally unique. you cannot know you can trust me, until you know you can trust someone. all the greatest liars in the world would have you believe they are abe lincoln honest. i miss you. it’s partly sunny here. good chance for showers without you.

singing @ alphabet

when all seems lost i look for four walls, some light, a wooden floor, my kittens, a wooden desk, my machine which connects me to the universe. when all seems lost i eat a salad, read a book. i lie to myself that everything will be okay. i get outdoors and stare at the sky. i go to work and get sucked inside office politics. i cherish everyone, especially the ones i least like. when all seems lost, i talk to my friend whose a painter. or another writer. or someone who cannot sing the alphabet. i try not to think. maybe i pray. all may be lost. i write a book about it. all is lost. i don’t care. all is lost. i don’t care. nothing is lost.

miracle in may

i realize the mind likes to drift and gravitates in the extremities of thought. my mind likes to dodge  the reality the rest of me is forced to face. my mind lives in fantasy and travels to places which do not exist. think up a dream or a nightmare. only when i wake up am i convinced i am not there! such is the power of the mind! sometimes we find ourselves in pain so deep, we are sure there is no way out of it. if only we could examine our thought process when we are in anguish, to see how our mind has trapped us in a nightmare with no apparent way out! then we can disbelieve the thoughts. distrust the mind. confound our own certainty. maybe april was a rotten month for you and you didn’t catch any breaks. maybe you wanna give up. i invite you to turn your thought process around, and expect a miracle in may!

author. pensive

nightmare

I was alone in a dark house in the woods late at night, when all the doors and windows started rattling. I thought maybe it was the winds. I turned on a spotlight, some relic of old Hollywood, and opened the front door to see. The air was calm and still. I saw a small figure in the woods, dressed in red. She was picking her way through the brush, approaching the house. I was frightened of her, for she had power. She called out to me: who are you? Katya, I said, calling out into the night. I am Katya. When I said my name aloud, all my fear dispersed. I was given many times my strength… what a nightmare!