oath of allegiance ina bath of silence

maybe i read too much shakespeare in high school. maybe i drank too much coke. i kept to myself with a few close friends. i made a pilgrimage to faulkner. i kept writing and writing though it seemed pointless at times, as there was no internet to share. i read my work in bars and cafes, in chicago and tampa in the late nineties, behind a highball whisky. maybe i smoked alotta pot. i carried a leatherbound journal wherever i went. now i have a cell phone and press words in there. life is the same, although it changes. i may be getting older but i’m still young. maybe i watched too much tv. i will always love to ride trains, even subways. i take a bath of silence every morning. and an oath of allegiance to my creative process. i am very well, the way i live. but i went about things so poorly for so long, it still hurts. i blame myself for the blunders i made. i am also unwell. mostly for having hurt you. i hurt myself badly, too.

frequency

Usually if i am feeling hurt, i want to hurt back. there have been stressful times in my life where i reacted and acted on my hurt feelings.

Patterns take shape and repeat.

These occasions, whatever the frequency, usually result in two feeling hurt, rather than one. and played out across the web of lives and feelings, we find we are all hurt a little in the end.

Patterns take shape and repeat.

Then the madness of friends or loved ones or just two beings facing off by accident or intention, looks on a chart of frequency of hurt, amplified.

Patterns take shape and repeat.

Because not only do i hurt myself anytime i exercise hurt upon another, but often another lashes back again, and the hurt goes deeper, and vulnerabilities begin to show, and we are hurting both selfsame and other.

Patterns take shape and repeat.

In retrospect, we see the violence inherent in such situations. and hopefully we look to find conscious ways to reduce hurt in our lives, not alone but together.

See the conscious ways?
See the first aid application on feelings? See the system? How we can do this, together?

See the choices.
Feel the freedom.
Hold the hope
together.