against the shadow of trauma

when i was younger it was easy to be welcoming to strangers, not having had too many awful experiences. today safe shared spaces may be harder to come by. you never know who’s packing heat. so long as we are all able to respect one another, not judge and condemn, powerful things can happen. when people are willing to listen, speak, and challenge without devaluing one another, it’s like the sunlight carried in and turned out of someone’s pocket! i still believe in being welcoming. i try to foster willingness in my heart to let my shoebox apartment, despite the risk you  find my home shoddy or small or wonder why i’m not able to afford better. it is an honorable thing to do against the shadow of our collective trauma. i can offer a spirited smile and prepare a nice dish. i am grateful for those who have done the same.

drowning of sorrows

i am grateful you take care and look out for one another. of course like you said i am the same spirit never changed and i remember trying to tell you that but no one wanted to believe me not back then. of course i had a drug problem so why would they. i’m just happy i found new life and you and i are able to have a friendship. we won’t agree but still love one another. i’m proud of X for all his successes and keeping the family going into future generations. success can look different. for me it’s not wealth or kids it’s just who i am based on what i’ve been through. i have a man in my life who loves me two cats and several books to my name. i’m proud of you and Z and X, i will never have those victories but god wanted it this way, god brought me where i can see and make a difference in other people’s lives. where i can be home after many years of hopeless self-destruction and drowning of sorrows. i am grateful. K

boiled coffee mixed with cream

this morning i am jumping jacks

boiled coffee

mixed with cream

this morning is the day

you came into this world and

i am calling you

my kitten an alarm clock and

got me out of bed

i cook for you and me

the tibetan bell

the heartbeat

the love of my life

on the road again

i cannot count my blessings

but

i can sit here at my desk

beat up the old english

language for a while

all what makes life @ 46

worth living