the stores were out of eggs. we were surviving on oatmeal. the highway e-billboard display bright like a star. severe storms. avoid travel. they left out the important part. severe depression. do not isolate at home.
#katyamills
Tag Archives: depression
in my mitochondria
i live with you
you crossed into my mitochondria
when i was a kid
and we are inextricably bound
at the cellular level
facing life together
depression
you cannot have me you
cannot control me you
cannot silence me
i live for those dashed upon
your rocky cape
whose spirits can be heard
in one hundred knot winds
whispering oh! if i had but one more day
what i would do!
the sun has risen
the day given
you cannot have my motivation
my inspiration my
determination
to live and fight
and love
#katyamills
charm
i got some lucky floating colored dehydrated charms. the old raisin bran didn’t cut it anymore. i rode my bike ten miles after walking one. it’s like pressing depression on the carotid artery until it passes out. f-you, depression!
#katyamills
y
long we lived
in darkness. wonder
not y we worship
the sun
#katyamills
the little things
shadows under bridges under
trains under eyes the postcards they
got from a distant memory friend
could lighten they darkest
mood
#katyamills
eu.phoria
the world
whether or not you can keep up with her
provides random bursts
of euphoria
to live there a second longer
to live there to
live
#katyamills
march of the mobile homes
when water boils down
relationships and typewriters take
dust my health i try to care. the country the past
the future depression a sensual affair
worlds in the saucepan wander the
march of mobile homes. a paved road
beneath which all
life settles and
i won’t
proz.ac
i was in florida and depressed when i discovered prozac and prozac nation. i liked the film as much as the book. then it jumped off the screen, off the page and into my life. my therapist referred me to a shrink who asked me questions, looked me over, took me for a ride for proper diagnostics, then wrote me up a script for prozac. i never got it filled because i refused to stop drinking. five years later i ended up on SSRIs. intermittent psychotherapy alongside antidepressants made it easier to get out of bed but it wasn’t powdered sunshine and it didn’t solve any other problems. it’s a cast. to be held together pharmaceutically until you can handle life without it. for two years i was in the sunshine state and i never saw the sun.
hero.ic
super motivation for
emulation
you say i saved you
cannot we both be one another’s
inspiration?
my trail is shorter than yours
i see you far ahead and what
has happened
weeks i was catatonic mired
in depression. could not write
my verses
we were meant to be
to resist to
fight this morbid tendency cannot
we read the story
aloud?
something about
being worn down and off
and out
so bad you become
real
water air prayer
i seem to always be working on the residuals of my mental illness, sweeping them up and out of my life. this is a maintenance thing, i mean, i have to radically accept the eternal presence of anxiety and depression. they no longer stop me from living my life like they did before (and after) i got clean, six and half years back. yet they are like a snake and threaten to constrict. i have to maintain and keep building. thank god i have a career that enriches me. i have a home and can cook my own food. i have my health and no longer take psych meds. the recollections of traumas have subsided though they sometimes resurface in nightmares and an uneasy mistrustful and guarded relationship with both internal and external worlds. i am working on self-discipline. my stress levels fluctuate but are more manageable when i eat healthy and exercise and stretch. life demands mindfulness. i am drinking more of water and air and prayer. i am devoting more time to reading and writing. i read at night, before bed. on weekdays i get up before dawn and write, more and more frequently. it is hard to build the life you wanna live but it sure is worthwhile.
K IS SILENT 