killing -ii

a killer is lost like a river wandered off became a stream then an eddy then a trickle until it dropped off the face of the earth and dried up into nothing, so far from the source was it

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m x memory

m x memory -vi

What was (not by law) acceptable? You would have to be crystal (clear) to know that awareness had not changed. Not even by 2023. Awareness is like it was: half-whole. The industrio-technological revolution had consciousness in a blender and someone hit liquefy. The laws could not tourniquet the blood loss. In effect, all diverse perceptions broadcast by sentients and picked up on radios in tunnels, were to be accepted. Resistance, denial of telltale truths, revolt against the pioneers of particularly unpopular ideas, was punished by slow reflexology torture. The pedestrian access to all CNS points of sensitivity. Modern culture placed high value on sensitivity, for it was the easiest way under the skin and didn’t cost a damn thing. But desensitivity treatments were about the most malevolent practice around. A desensitized sentient was today scorned and unforgiven… turns out all evolution has the fallout of consequential negative feedback, which angles off the light of the fresh vision and becomes the new bastion of ignorant factions which can be discredited yet never completely silenced by radiating waves of heart-centered caring intention…

diary

Journal # 10.08.2016

This morning I found myself splashed across the walls like water. This morning I woke from a nightmare being hunted by a man with a shotgun. Before dawn I am docile and careless, the sheets you tore up and me within them, before you left for your job and an eighteen wheeler and ten thousand gallons of oil. If only I can gather my self and my focus, today, the cell phone my natural enemy flat-backed on the dresser. This morning I shower and untangle my hair. I wanna good cut, I wanna change, I wanna punk it out with a streak of black and some sharpened angular curled tight at the nape of my neck in the back. The necklace my friend gave me several years ago, the silver icon hangs just below the the new one on the thinner chain, the hanging dove I got to remember my own ancient history. The light comes up blue in the city around me, loyalty and new love arises in me and I don’t know how to handle it. How can I fall in love again without fear? I cannot withstand another fall from great heights. A burgeoning skepticism clings to the edges, the water mark, and won’t wash away down the drain. I wanna live is all i know anymore… i wanna live or there’s nothing left.

you were. i was

you were seeking (someone after work) you were. i was a little something to look at (we were young) i was, on that night (following no one) awake in a different way, unusually done up (tryin to get a charge in the) senseless world (with us), pretty preloaded (bound to be impulsive) both of us and tight (lonely maybe but not needing nothing) that night.

you were.
i was

i was seeking (for so long comin up empty), going home alone (without finding anyone) you were traveling backward (to remember the past) insincerely, we spoke in whispers (it was the lies in your eyes) i knew, your pain (you were)
i was

breathless at first
some difficulty and all alone (just imagine), you gave me someone to envision (someone who could care when caring was all was asked and running a shocking deficit) being with (being with you) and  you were. i was.

we were somethin (material) random. of a sudden (indebted) rolled pinner of a joint. tight (like that). god is good. baked into the bread. wholesome (hearted) and not having to speak (talking about it was always so terrible anyway and made us feel bad about ourselves) was a gift we both were given. you were. i was

something special is about to go off
and may we make (us) last
as long as we
possibly
can

surround. sound

Inside the body, you will find coursing and pulsing of blood. A muscle, pumping iron.

Inside the mind, you will find the plus and the minus and the neutral of thought. Layers upon layers of judgment surround sound.

Inside the affect, you will find emotional roller derby. Fear pushing euphoria over the rail. Anger throttling fear with a fist. Then the sadness and joy all that’s left.

Inside the spirit, there is hope, there is courage. Compassion and passion and love. Perhaps waylaid by some local, situational lesson in pain.

There lies endless life, in the soul. Free energy in circulation. Awakening and opening the eyes in god’s time, not ours.