force

i had a nightmare and woke up and drank some water and when i fell back asleep it turned into a dream. you can try but you cannot force things. if i’m feeling discontent, like i’m selling myself short or worked up into some resistance, i try to locate what i’m fighting and stop. you can allow things to be the way they are and still want to change! just be present with yourself and work on it a little every day.

katya selfie 2019

say

you are the new kid
you work from within the system
you paint the walls in there some deeper colors
when the system changes you feel
a great sense of pride and ownership
you are local now
say
a new kid appears
they want to paint the walls
you resist. you worked so hard to paint them
they don’t know what it was like before
they don’t care
you care about different things
say
change is hard

change was born there

Sometimes the change you make for yourself makes you closer to the people, you know, and you are better for them not just yourself and the ones you love. And I don’t know but maybe that was all you could have done to get there, subconsciously so, to the heart aching place where witnessed the birth of it.

 

this post i dedicate to Stephen Hawking

K

over.cast

finite articulated outlined forms

are no longer sacred. they may be one thing today

and another, tomorrow.

our love is murky we cannot see the bottom.

the light takes on form, passing through.

my love for you is imperfect. overcast.

it never changes.
we can touch the sky.

salt whispering

salt whispering of the great sea change


She knew the siphoning to be as surreptitious as it was dangerous down the river a ways, where community and real estate parted, where souls were handed off shamelessly to areas unincorporated and lesser know than a cold case file in a sub-basement archive a steep fall off the side of a paper trail, where who knows? met who cares? in the quicksand of the lost. shoelaces, cell phones, rolling papers, broken glass, one-eyed jacks, matchbooks with names scrawled into them, worry stones, loose change. there, gathered en masse, were those who frightened her by their differences, ghosts, salt whispering of the great sea change.

wheels

 there’s really nothing wrong with two people coming together for a time, living together, being together, and then having differences drawin them apart, a change of heart, and then lookin for another start somewhere else with someone else. there might be a culture invested in keeping you together or a family that hopes for you to heal. and yes, you could recover, the two of you, you could but it would have to take both of you with all your might to make it right. all the bad blood pooled up like that. it would be very hard. the world wants you both to make it, yes, the culture, maybe even the family. but suns rise and wheels roll and pavement cracks and suns set, and what with all the change you find it hasn’t happened yet? there’s really nothing wrong with moving on.

journal # march

turns away

march was turnin april and i made all my mistakes and i knew it. screw it. im decidedly optimistic with a chosen ascension. left that old reel spinning light down the aisle. click-click-click ridin rails with the tape. broke down that wall of denial.   – katya

saw.see

see . saw

Some deity of prepossession took hold in America, leaving little room for argument and debate. Lady liberty gripped her torch so tight her hand began to crumble and her arm fissured and fell off, her torch falling into Hudson Bay where water met fire with the strangest sound. Water won and the western world was a little darker, hard to see. The thinker felt the ripple in time and stood up against his master’s orders. Millions of women marched and the men, well, they also serve who stand and wait. Behind bulletproof glass and whitewashed timber, the purposeful and power-laden drew back the drapes and saw only panhandlers, holding signs and begging for change.

we will know who we are

indie author K

Dress yourself up a little different this holiday season. Streak your hair with pink or blues. Be completely proud of yourself; you are a flawed wonder of the universe. And by the way, you don’t have to be married to your mobile phone anymore. Massage the attention span with inaction, try and go tech-free for a day, go full force family breakfast! Try not to give in to the vibration. Stop your finger from swiping the screen. Your children need you. They have no milk in their cereal. Nobody taught them how to soften up a situation. Knead the hard candy of routine, until it softens into taffy. Stretch to the sky without a gps signal. Your brother and sister will soon follow. It’s okay to concede you got lost, we all did! I swear we will know who we are.