wren

you stole my heart 

but i am stubborn and do not stand for thieves

signaled by the wren’s song

with a final kiss i took my love

and left you 

waking up 500 miles away

all my belongings in my car 

drinking coffee 

falling for a sunrise 

wrapping my arms around

change

#katyamills

star free remix

i am star free i am
overcast sky

all the bad habits i
traded them in 4 something more predictable
something more certain

uncommon

i blackened Hollywoods
digital rolling
eyeyou are blue you are chaos

you remind me of my old self   
gripping hearts between  

thighs

no longer unmoored 

i am star free cloud-based
outlandish

i am grateful
i shot myself out of
the sky

#katyamills

force

i had a nightmare and woke up and drank some water and when i fell back asleep it turned into a dream. you can try but you cannot force things. if i’m feeling discontent, like i’m selling myself short or worked up into some resistance, i try to locate what i’m fighting and stop. you can allow things to be the way they are and still want to change! just be present with yourself and work on it a little every day.

katya selfie 2019

reading #99

AME AND THE TANGY ENERGETIC

say

you are the new kid

you work from within the system

you paint the walls in there some deeper colors

when the system changes you feel

a great sense of pride and ownership

you are local now

say

a new kid appears

they want to paint the walls

you resist. you worked so hard to paint them

they don’t know what it was like before

they don’t care

you care about different things

say

change is hard

change was born there

Sometimes the change you make for yourself makes you closer to the people, you know, and you are better for them not just yourself and the ones you love. And I don’t know but maybe that was all you could have done to get there, subconsciously so, to the heart aching place where witnessed the birth of it.

 

this post i dedicate to Stephen Hawking

K

over.cast

finite articulated outlined forms

are no longer sacred. they may be one thing today

and another, tomorrow.

our love is murky we cannot see the bottom.

the light takes on form, passing through.

my love for you is imperfect. overcast.

it never changes.
we can touch the sky.

salt whispering

salt whispering of the great sea change

She knew the siphoning to be as surreptitious as it was dangerous down the river a ways, where community and real estate parted, where souls were handed off shamelessly to areas unincorporated and lesser know than a cold case file in a sub-basement archive a steep fall off the side of a paper trail, where who knows? met who cares? in the quicksand of the lost. shoelaces, cell phones, rolling papers, broken glass, one-eyed jacks, matchbooks with names scrawled into them, worry stones, loose change. there, gathered en masse, were those who frightened her by their differences, ghosts, salt whispering of the great sea change.

wheels

 there’s really nothing wrong with two people coming together for a time, living together, being together, and then having differences drawin them apart, a change of heart, and then lookin for another start somewhere else with someone else. there might be a culture invested in keeping you together or a family that hopes for you to heal. and yes, you could recover, the two of you, you could but it would have to take both of you with all your might to make it right. all the bad blood pooled up like that. it would be very hard. the world wants you both to make it, yes, the culture, maybe even the family. but suns rise and wheels roll and pavement cracks and suns set, and what with all the change you find it hasn’t happened yet? there’s really nothing wrong with moving on.

journal # march

turns away

march was turnin april and i made all my mistakes and i knew it. screw it. im decidedly optimistic with a chosen ascension. left that old reel spinning light down the aisle. click-click-click ridin rails with the tape. broke down that wall of denial.   – katya