journal

Journal # 12.25.16

Into the snow and nowhere to go, good times with the family. Cell phone short circuits in the frosty air, Santa Claus is up there, keep the dog close so coyotes don’t get him. I have no idea how the day will play out, just gonna go with it. This is not my territory, exactly, but I feel loved. Live life without limits. You can do anything — so dream big!

journal

There’s no fuckin around anymore with my life, I mean, anytime I go sideways and let myself go even just a bit off, I suffer several hours later, usually in the hangtime before I have to get up for work, but also it can destroy my weekends, too. I don’t know what I did or if it’s just natural aging but it’s right in my face and I’ll tell you somethin else, well; I kinda like things better this way. Cause I used to fuck off all the time and I could fuck off for days and get away with it. Lots of polysubstance abuse, you know, back then before I got clean, even after I knew I was an addict and drugs were no good for me, devolving, I tended when disheartened to return to the familiar and break away from common decency and back to the tops of far off peaks of despair, looking over my life and sneaking and peaking and using and falling and crying and trying to get over myself again. That’s no way to live, you know, but we do it anyway. But my margin of error has disappeared and I’m really thankful, really grateful in a way to feel the pain, now, the age or heaviness or whatever, and I don’t do drugs going on 4 years, and I just get beat up by too much caffeine or sugar or too little water or too many carbs or too much sun and overexertion, wow, so I get back to work takin care of myself, right away cause I much desire a better more forthright life for myself, an adherent to a sound personal code and reasonable daily allowance of dreaming my way forward into a kindhearted reality. Whatever the hell that means… and I mean it. I cannot outlast anyone. All I can do is get ina sweet groove and try and stay there and work it awhile so we can be better off by me. I mean contribute my part, live good for someone else to see for themselves how to go about it, too. There’s no fuckin around anymore and why would I want to? Seek the joy of being alive and that’s it. Give and give some more. Show and don’t show off. Accept who you are and love what you have so you can carry that and not need to escape nothin and then they will see the truth in you and it’s not pretty or grandstandin or anything, it just is what it is and that’s more than enough.

belly (second reflection)

my belly is never good enough

sometimes

feel its soft largesse
full of carbs

see its depressed

button
memory of my
birth my connection to
mom
severed
and
against all the cultural
phlegm caught in the
throat
i realize it will never be
what me or anyone
else want it to
be
and
begin to
treasure it
my belly
and button
too

scratch

I guess i lived a little hard and all the chaos wore me down some and many days i’m just fightin for even. I still have some fight in me – sunrise 2 sunset – it don’t matter so long as i get enough rest. Some say i’m young and i won’t deny at best i could be halfway to home. I thank angels and stars for the dust i kicked up to make scratch and free now to loan.

do not be confused

Today is your day to kick ass. Even if someone’s got you imprisoned, even yourself in your own mind, but even then you can ask for a book cause that is your right. If whoever has you locked down won’t let you read,  try and exploit the weakness in their rigidity, all the way to your freedom. Today is Friday and your chance to shed the skin of the past and come out all bright and shiny and new. People will notice you if you simply show up. I like to walk somewhere, under the sun, walk a mile or two and find a cafe and sit and watch and think and write. Maybe let a friend know I will be there, so they can come see me if they want. Today is your day to kick ass. Don’t let social media hold you back. Get back to your sacred expression. In whatever form. Respect yourself and they will respect you, too.

If you get tired, by all means meander, online or off, but come back to yourself and your connection with what only you know and let it speak. Make that fashionable statement only you can make, whether its how you dress how you walk how you talk how you write how you sketch how you  skate how you run how you gesture how you preach how you teach how you fight how you give how you help how you see how you feel how you deal. Be you. Be free. Be real.
– K

be the star you are the star you are the star

Let them discover you my sweetness my friend and be the star you are in this solar system holds a premium on light so all you gotta do is shine and you can but do not have to self-promote or boost or market yourself or your shining when all you gotta do is shine bright is be the star you are the star you are the star

ill see you in the light  xxo  K