+7+

you were always a little bit laughing at the end of your sentences. i was in the kitchen working up a goulash, juggling pots and pans. some days are busier than others and that’s okay. this is the seventh anniversary of not being up to no good. i had to ask you to repeat yourself. you barked at me and i purred back. being nonbinary i gave up on normalcy long ago.

meditation 7

Today i prepare some words for a reading… i am fighting… i am grieving the loss of a spiritual teacher… i am celebrating what’s left of winter in california… i am breathing… i am thinking and trying to stay in gratitude… i am in the past… the future… i am breathing… i am curious… i am noticing how sensitive i am… i am noticing how angry i can get… how easily i can give up… how resilient i am… how i fight for my right to be fully awake and alive… i am lucky… i am fortunate… my life has been funny… tragic… almost monotonous at times with repetitions… life is a reality worth facing not running from… full of things i love and hate and have to accept… fear and anger and sadness are various forms of energy… i breathe into them toward some truth…  with a wish to live and love and be loved.

4-5-6-7-8

the sun below ground at 4 o’clock

the sky could feel her

runnin in colors off a

glass

 

some kids got sent back to aisle 5 at the safeway

tryin to buy single coronas off a

six

 

i was searchin for my simple honeybee

bear and asked around. we found each other

in lucky no.7

 

across the street turned up 8 ounces

coffee. hot and fierce. not a bad start

for a day

 

not a bad start at all

stay present and you can handle

anything

7

seven

you recently got off the streets. you aren’t getting any younger, and you feel your age. chronic pain has kept you from doing the work you love. i was just listening to you tell me your story, all the ‘lost time’ after you lost your kids and your purpose. but you don’t feel sorry for yourself. you found a way to connect with your grandkids and even took them fishing. you still want to live even if you cannot always understand what for. i elevate you to survivor status. we laughed when you told me the story about the time you got shot in the back. you were under the hood in the garage, working on a carburetor, when a stray bullet flew from San Pablo Avenue and knocked you to the ground. once you realized what had happened, you dragged yourself to the office for help. they got you to the hospital and most of the fragments were removed and you walked out of there in under 48 hours. when you got back to work, you walked to the office to thank them. your boss had a parrot he kept in there, and the moment you walked in, the parrot saw you and started screaming: ‘I’m shot! I’m shot! I’m shot!”