big sky

why so sad?
she asks

my girl my
lovely
thin t shirt
above me

smiling not quite
drunk pinning her locks
to my heart

i dunno it’s so crystal
this moment

big sky holds

us

i snap the
bra strap
as she yawns

#katyamills
remix 1996

daylight with earth

she saw by
her soul
images painful
bold. this world
its children
mix daylight with
earth

she took the lights
down. he pissed on the porcelain
water scattered
with poison

dead leaves pale
faces under a big
sky

candles on the tank

elbows
and shoulders and

knees

he had to have her
pain made him
whole again

behind his eyes
a redemptive quality
cast in a pervasive light
his struggle
hers

#katyamills
remix 1996

shade breathing dust at noon

Pelicans seesaw then dive in a row

stabbing daggers into salt

water in the wind

i am the line not yet drawn

a whole awaiting division

clouds form faces against the sky

watching the sun

swallowed by the sea

i am permanence for that

which is changing

seagulls flutter and cry

across the new horizon

some light left behind

a burning memory

i cry in colored sunsets

waiting for coffee

to open my

eyes

i am a shade breathing

dust at noon

taken and remixed from the black cover 

journal of katya mills ’96

i was 23 years old

letter to true love (1996)

Here I reprint a letter I wrote (1996) and never sent
to my first true love. We parted ways that same year.
(from my black cover diary)…

A– ,

Do you still love me? Because I love you and I’m not fucking around when I say so. And to be perfectly clear, to make certain you understand me completely and unquestionably, I want to tell you again I love you, and I have never stopped loving you from the day I met you, through the ups and downs, the varied moods, the emotional depths and altitudes; from the joy we carried, to the coffin of pain we buried. And if you ever want back in my life, my love, there’s a home for you in Tampa, FL. I will never be too proud to confess my love for you, I promise, for love is too strong to be fooled by shallow pride.

cocaine (1996)

I found this piece I wrote in script, 1996
(black cover diary)…

cocaine

sweeping the powder
with the tip of the fingernail
composing your lines

and nothing can bring
you back

bend the neck down
let a shoulder drop
turn your head to one side

meet your creation

the tide comes in
washes you away

fade gently into the horizon
behind a cloud

the undertow

your world has
consumed you

-Katya